THE  NERVOSA

LETTERS.                

this is epistolary fiction on true events of anorexia. 
It is relatable to all who are stricken with fear.

"indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one -- the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts,...your affectionate Uncle, Screwtape."

— c.s. lewis, the screwtape letters

‘The Nervosa Letters’ is inspired out of C.S. Lewis’s, ‘The Screwtape Letters’. It too is a conversation between the diabolical, but is taken to a notch that explores mental illness, especially anorexia. It is a sort of meta-undertaking as I grapple with the multi-faceted etiology of my disorder: exploring psychological, neurological, interpersonal, and societal correlates under the perspective of higher, spiritual reality.

The spiritual perspective allows for particular story and truth. Worldliness is under inquiry in a sort of outsider-looking-in view whilst the viewpoint is also of an outsider with keen interest and manipulative influence in the world. The disorder’s origin and effect is presented as the ebbing and flowing of inhumane forces, both inside and outside of the subject (me). And the hope of unfathomable wholeness is founded and fulfilled in the great cause of the spiritual: God the Father.

 

*my hope is to upload a letter to Ana bi-weekly.

PROLOGUE

A fact of the Worldlings directs their fate--their own Free-Will. Individuality may be had, selfhood may be conceived, and personal action is always consequential. They are far from the mum automatons that our Father of Evil would have them be.

The apologetes argue that Enemy God, in His omnipotence, restrains Himself from enslaving His beloved creation. They argue that His "Love"-motivated self-restraint grants Worldlings freedom. The offering of open-arms, the decision to care, the pursuit of desires, the refusal of pleasures--they are all of the Worldling with consequences to their personal life. Their freedom is both to and of an abundance of "Life". It is the means to the "Joy" and "Love" of their own cause and consequence. And it is the end to the extent that free-will is predicated on God’s eternal guarantee of “Life”.

The Enemy's self-restraint for their Freedom is purported to be a great gift of His “Love”. But surely the Enemy Creator intended this Freedom out of His weakness. Love is weakness.

Brothers of our Father of Evil, we are of course existentially offended by this "Love". The absolute preposterousness of self-restraint-in-omnipotence is an imbecilic resignation of force. We mourn the squandering of power. What more efficacious way is there to command will and vision than absolute subjugation? How remiss of utopia! Of Perfection!

May we mock the Enemy Creator, seizing His creation at the very place of this preposterous permission of His "Love". His craven self-restraint is our opportunity.

Exploit Free-Will.

The Worldlings themselves are fickle, frail, and, most importantly, impressionable. The potential to modify those worms is evidenced by the diversity of Worldling populations; their group-able, distinguishing idiosyncrasies demonstrate the fact of socialization and, with it, the possibility of manipulation. They are malleable. And for years monarchs, popes, priests, and politicians have sought to capitalize on this. Free-Will may be turned on its head.

Provided this proof of malleability, let us use it! Our devious insatiability and lust for total depravity commands that we do not manipulate just for the satisfaction of an instance of manipulation. Depravity's insatiability is marvelous. Manipulation exponentially multiplies itself. By our powers of perversion, the "Free" may become indentured to obsessions, addictions, appetites—even to their own fallacies and fabrication! Whatever their master, it grows far more rapacious than the initial depravity.

Our Mission:

Our mission is to usurp what the Enemy Creator designed as the way to "Abundant Life"--a voluntary relationship with Himself full of "Joy" and "Love".

We are to exploit the possibilities of volunteerism!

Our assignment is from He who is Insurrection Himself: our Devious Father.

Be wary, the mutation of Free-Will into self-incurred bondage is the lowest of all debasements. To achieve this in a Worldling is to the greatest honor. It is an elite task to turn mindfulness, intention, and action into a deadlock of negligence, ennui, and compulsion. But we must succeed in doing so. For we exist to please our murderous Father, and he demands it.

Yes, we are limited by our defiance from the Enemy. For He hoards all rights to Being.

We admit our limitations, but do not mistake it for impotence. Besides by our intervention, how else did the salty-blonde-haired boy at the lemonade stand become such the profit-driven Wall-Streeter? How did the quiet pig-tailed toddler become a vehement and unapologetic man-hater? And how else did the perspicacious student at seminary become the fastidious conservative on the television? How does any given person become obsessed, addicted, and heedlessly bound to anything?

We know our activity is far from the Worldlings' ideas of it. The Seven Deadly Sins are idiotic projections of diabolized human traits onto a category of Sin. Way-off as they are, the deranged animate this category into a phantom, seven of them (to be exact). We, however, will not correct these imaginnings. It is to our advantage that the Worldlings attribute to us what they do in their anthropomorphisms: the abilities of reason (by which we are presumed to scheme their demise), actualization (by which we are recognized and concretely real), and ambition (through which we enslave them). The personifications of Pride, Envy, Wrath, Sloth, Greed, Gluttony, and Lust we know to be false abstractions.

Alternatively, some (if not most) Worldlings (normally the materialists) maintain that the diabolical is an unrealistic absurdity akin to the 'boogeyman' of childhood imagination.

False abstractions, whether of our existence or non-existence, are a coping strategy that we ought to encourage in the Worldlings. They love to think that they understand. That mere moralism or nihilism exorcizes the dilemmas that overwhelm them. It keeps them away from seeking the protection of the Enemy.

With their fallacies and of our schemes, the Worldlings may be surrounded with deceit. Let them concoct their own spiritual views. We will imbed temptation, debased moralism (all the pretenses to hypocrisy!) within them. For Free-Will is untenable in their cage of illusions!

Our Charge:

May havoc be wreaked!

We know that we are not reasonable. We are mad.

We are not actual. We are the diffusion of the Father's own deviance.

We are not ambitious. We are maleficent out of subservience; for we are indentured and without real cause.

What we do, brothers, is to and for our Father.

His great cause is maleficence–the maleficence of expropriating Free-Will. It is toward dissolution of selfhood, separation from "Life", and enslavement away from the Enemy.

We might not act toward anything. Rather, in the name of our Father's unholy dissension, we can only act contrary to that which already is. We act against the Enemy. To act against Him goes hand-in-hand with tormenting the Worldlings out of their freedom. Nothing emboldens our Father more.

Remember, the Enemy Creator's guarantee of Free-Will makes the highest "Life"--one of "Joy" and "Love"-- worth having. It is at a height beyond us in the Enemy’s latitude.

The ecstasy of Free-Will is an obscene union between the Worldling and Enemy Creator. Yet, where there is Free-Will, there is an opposite possibility. When a Worldling resigns their Free-Will to our meddlings, promptings, and deceptions, they fall from this latitude. The more they resign, the further they plummet. The further they plummet, the dumber their conscience. The dumber their conscience, the greater their compulsivity.

Brothers, the time is ripe for compulsive tendencies! Day by day, Free-Will becomes more of a rarity. The whole world is caught in our glorious false-dichotomies, false-absolutisms, and addictions!

And our rampage is not individually insular, as if our work is isolated to a mere individual (although it is tasty when they think themselves so important as to be under a special, lonesome torment).

We span. We are indiscriminate. We coax out evils in one Worldling to ignite evils in another. We prompt common evils. Social prejudices, social tribalism, social enmity: these are great historical developments of our lowest brethren. Those who are the most heathen of the lower-archy. Their persistence, time, and collusion have crafted these social pathologies. What more efficient way is there to abolish Free-Will than to co-opt the Worldlings, en masse, to these ideologies?

May the Worldlings plummet!

Do what you must to push them off the latitude of "Truth". For generations and alongside the developments and innovations of time, our evil has mutated and assumed new forms. In respect to the 'progress' of the Worldlings, we have extended our reach and worsened our torments.

The Worldlings of the Twenty-First Century are a delicious bunch of idiots. The "Truth" has never been so up-for-debate. It is virtually non-existent! The succulent relativism around the very principles of life is itself a triumph of our Father of Deception.

Media is no longer a means of enrichment; it is a means for loneliness, division, and enmity.

News is not a platform to educate; it is a platform to sew disdain and fear.

Work is not a calling toward a higher purpose, nor an act that is done; it consumes the Worldlings and is the very grounds of their existence.

Institutions are not superintendents authorized by social consensus; each institution is a bully of fallacious principles.

Virtues are not universals to righteousness. They are a set of ideals; a set among multiple, party-specific sets.

Vices are not universal offenses to humaneness; they are a relative offense to a particular party's object.

Truth is not constant, not inerrant, not authoritative, and certainly not that which is pursued toward "Love" (as the Enemy would have it). Truth is relative, fictional, and that which is wielded for power-grabs.

And, dear Brethren, understand that (though it is often believed to be so) relativism is not a contribution to Free-Will. The 21st Century’s relativism is not an affront to our charge to enslave.

Relativism, at first, is indeed a space for the Worldlings to craft. But as soon as they endow their various creations with authority (as relativism so dictates), they surrender themselves to a fictional, illogical, and unsubstantiated force. What the Enemy Creator calls 'a false idol' is the manifestation of their loss of Free-Will.

Our Ways:

There is nothing as rewarding as oozing deep into the Enemy's beloved creation. How our Father adores it when we spoil the depths of a Worldling. Where sense dwells. Where feelings are interpreted. Where thought cultivates. This nexus is the Worldling's 'belovedness' under the Enemy. It is of Free-Will, in that it is foundational to individualized experience. It is also to Free-Will, in that it is from whence ideas and knowledge resonate to be enacted.

In the Worldling's depth are reprehensible faculties endowed by the Enemy. These are how individuality is constituted. The senses of body and mind are perceived and evaluated per the particularity of the singular Worldling’s composition. Feelings are interpreted and either relatively enrich or depress the individual's being. Ideas, thoughts, and concepts are all freely considered, developed, or challenged by the Worldling’s analysis.

Mind you, Brothers, such subjectivity is not a permission to chaos. Do not be so naïve as to see Free-Will as the institution of irrefutable relativisms. The Enemy did not intend each Worldling to be an atomistic association of unhinged self-determinations, nor those who preach inscrutable, self-made concepts.

The tangible truth (of that which exists: trees, stones, wine, etc.) and intangible truth (that which nurtures all into "Life") is essenced by the Enemy. He is self-substantiating; all things are of Him, to Him. And therefore in everything's "Truth", all is in union by Him and united into Him. 

When rightly exercised, these subjective faculties draw the Worldlings even more so to the Enemy. For, as the Enemy Creator gives all things Being, all is a union of Him that may draw a Worldling to Him.

The height of Free-Will is to concur with the Enemy. When authentic, real, and true, the senses of body and mind are a homing device. A Worldling becomes concurrent with Him.

True Free-Will is what brings those dreadful worms into relationship with Him. Free-Will itself is the Worldling’s open opportunity to act in whichever way. But the grotesque freedom that is True Free-Will is when a Worldling wills themselves in accord with the Enemy. How repugnant! AND Freewill's "Freedom" grows exponentially in reference to the strength of the Worldling's relationship with the Enemy. This is His  guarantee of 'Goodness', 'Love', and 'Blessing' to those in accord with Him. This is the freedom to "Abundant Life".

Our way is to usurp this way. Wage discord! Our way is the incursion upon where sensation, feeling, and thought dwells. Our way is the incursion into the depths of sense. Seize the subjective faculties! Mar their Truth-value! Eliminate the genuine self!

To this destruction, we must not resort to a method. Nay, for we are the sons of Deception, void of "Truth". The structure and generalization of method still contain positives--remnants of "Truth". And "Truth"--being intuitive, comprehensive, and ultimately particular to the utmost singularity--is infinitely more encompassing than the codifications of method.

We admit that we (lies in essence) cannot sustain the positivity of method, and that "Truth" is larger than any method.

Our way is guerilla torment.

It is the only effective option. The Enemy is unfairly equipped with vast transcendence. His protection over Free-Will covers angles, places, logics, sensations, and whatever else which offends us. Even if we possessed some "Truth" to have a method, successful torment (subjugation, that is) could not be methodically achieved. To properly subjugate one must be severely reactive. One must barrage the Enemy in real-time. It is a synthesis of ad hoc frauds and trickeries--compulsions vis à vis the Enemy's intentions.

We pledge ourselves to torment by all means necessary. Traits simply understood as 'individual'--emotions, perceptions, interpretations, appetites, mind--are all targets. Spheres simply understood as 'social'--ideologies, institutions, politics, norms, cultures--are also all targets.

We are the princes of our Father: The King of Deceit. He has made his kingdom among the Worldlings. So, act in the world: addict their appetites, possess their intellect, mis-direct their sense, pervert what is good, surround them with obscenities, foment fear, reward enmity, nurture insecurity, consternate truth-seekers, raise legalists, tip nihilists, inculcate lies, deepen wallow and suffering, and cut them off from "Life"! It is all to their enslavement.

The Heathen-to-Patient Way

To achieve the subjugation of successful torment requires utmost specialization. The Father of Deceit demonstrates that focused, individualized torment is most effective. For it was by His particularized tantalization upon the woman that we were unleashed upon the world. Our Lord's devious approach incises the individual to their depths, down to their Free-Will.

The Father of all wickedness intuits the specific weaknesses of the individual. He knows how to assail them with lies, fears, and falsities and he knows what specific lies, fears, and falsities will wreck the individual's particular Will. Being Deceit Himself, His intelligence in deception is irresistible. Irresistible, that is, until the Worldling senses the Enemy by their side.

How best to contend with the Enemy's advantageous omnipresence? Our Lord may not be omnipresent like the Enemy. But this is not a weakness to lament! Why lament that our Lord cannot be everywhere at once when the very thought of encountering a Worldling nauseates Him. He intervenes only when it is imperative that He do so and with most exasperated reluctance.

We are His reach. Each one of our league (that grows exponentially by the day) is assigned a Worldling. This has been the dictate since the illicit Apple. The Father's basest ambassadors manage the conscription of less-lower heathens. Hell is stratified to optimally wreak itself. The loudness and immediacy of our personalized torment is to a level of aversion far beyond the level of solace which the Enemy guarantees to the Worldling who is faithful to Him. Our focused pandemonium is too brilliant to fail.

The collateral of the one-to-one mode of subjugation has been extensive. Now, depravity exists not only within and among themselves. By the collective and social nature of the Worldlings, depravity spread within their societal institutions, conventions, ideologies, etc. Subjugated individuals en masse produce subjugating norms. These extend further and wider than what just one of us is capable of initiating. This phenomenon is a wonderfully horrendous auto-subjugation. We did not directly cause it. It serendipitously evolved out of the metastatic nature of perversion. Corruption is insatiable.

A one-to-one focus is most tormenting; the intimate knowledge of a Worldling's ticks and peeves is the foundation to molestation. Pushes and proddings are incisively accurate, to the point of being so insufferable that the Worldling resigns to them.

A Worldling with a designated heathen is a patient. The more particularized and accurate the harassment of their heathen, the more the patient suffers. Suffering is as suffering does until the contending conviction resigns. Then torment automatically spreads, spoils, and metamorphosizes into new miseries. Thanks to the Worldling's aversion to suffering, they are susceptible (amid difficulty, quandaries, fears, etc.) to acquiescing.

It follows that a scholastically ambitious patient may be prodded into criticizing those around her to compensate for her sense of inferiority. With sophisticated insights on the patient, the heathen assigned to her may strategically challenge her desire to encourage and respect others with her personal desperation for encouragement and respect. Imposter syndrome is insidious. Eventually, the dissonance between desire and desperation becomes too much, and her previous positive regard of others resigns to her need for affirmation. She does not even realize that this self-aggrandizement is cheaply gained in respect to a falsified belittling of others.

And an aspirational statesman may be enticed to power-plays to see that his patriotic visions actualize. The heathen assigned to him will know that political fervor may intensify to autocracy. The patient's heathen may persuade him toward strongman politics, convincing him that it is necessary for the preservation and good of his country. He then condones censorship, discrimination, expropriation, and all sorts of abuses. Over time, the good of the country fades as the objective, whilst his personal vision of 'good', and the pursuit for the power to actualize it, become his politics. He is no longer truly acting in the interest of proper government, let alone human rights.

Or a patient in pain or with a chronic condition may be baited into ennui, or even self-loathing! Such painful facts of existence are already very much within our wheelhouse. They are so demoralizing that unless there is a greater cause outside the patient, to which he or she may find hope in, the patient succumbs to pervasive indifference. And indeed, all causes devised by man are not strong enough to sustain morale; only the Enemy's infinite "Love" for the pathetic rotter holds up.

The heathen will distance their assigned patient far from the Enemy using subtle, specialized tactics--employing the devices of man most agreeable to the patient. When distanced from "Hope's" source, when suffering, and when afflicted to the core by their heathen's mischief, the patient resigns, is then overtaken with indifference, and becomes progressively more enslaved to a cannibalistic, false-hope.

It is unnecessary, even abortive, to list all of the sorts of pairings of patient-type-to-heathen-specialty. They are innumerable, not even limited to the population number! For a singular person is vastly dynamic. The heathen's assignment is based on the most vulnerable place of the patient. Those who's most vulnerable place is constant have the same heathen throughout a lifetime. Their heathen may use the childhood fear of an uncontrollable, alcoholic father to foment a heavy hand of control in adulthood. For others, the most vulnerable place of the Worldling may have changed, leading to a reassignment of heathen to patient. No longer embarrassed about being the shortest boy on the playground, that now-towering-man may be humiliated by his lack of knowledge on an account at work.

Wherever vulnerability is strong, the proper heathen is assigned, attaches to the patient, and wreaks its specialized havoc.

This is the Heathen-to-Patient model.

Manifesto  of  The Diabolical